What It Feels Like to Be the “New Shiny Friend” — And Then Discarded

What It Feels Like to Be the “New Shiny Friend” — And Then Discarded

by someone who didn’t see it coming

We met and clicked—you know, that rare kind of spark where the conversation is effortless, the laughter is loud, and the connection feels like it skipped all the small talk and went straight to soul-level.

You told me things you “never told anyone.” I opened up right back. For a little while, it felt like we were building something rare. Fast, yes. Intense, definitely. But real.

And then one day… it was just quiet.

The messages stopped. The energy shifted. The warmth faded. And suddenly, I wasn’t part of your orbit anymore.

It felt like being a toy someone begged for on Christmas—adored, obsessed over, and then left to gather dust once the novelty wore off.

I kept wondering what I did wrong. Did I say too much? Not enough? Was I too available, too eager, too honest?

But here’s what I’ve come to understand: this probably wasn’t about me at all.

ADHD and the High of the Beginning

Since then, I’ve done some reading. I’ve talked to people. And I’ve learned that what happened may have been part of a pattern that plays out often for people with ADHD—especially the kind that goes undiagnosed, or is dismissed in women as “just being emotional” or “too much.”

People with ADHD often experience something called novelty-seeking. Their brains are constantly chasing dopamine, the chemical tied to reward, pleasure, and motivation. When something—or someone—is new, it lights up their brain. It’s exciting. Stimulating. Safe from boredom.

But as soon as that newness fades, the ADHD brain starts to disengage—not because the person stopped caring, but because the dopamine stopped flowing. And they don’t always know how to keep connecting without that chemical rush.

It’s not that the friendship wasn’t real. It was. But for them, that intensity can be hard to sustain once the new has worn off. For those of us on the receiving end, though, it can feel like we’ve been discarded.

The Emotional Aftermath

I don’t think people with ADHD do this intentionally. In fact, I believe many of them carry a lot of guilt about it. They might not know why they suddenly feel disconnected, or how to explain it without hurting someone they truly cared about.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

When you’re the friend who gets pulled in close, only to be shut out without explanation, it can leave you questioning your worth. It can make you wary of opening up again. It can make you feel disposable.

Especially when there’s no closure. No “hey, I’m struggling,” or “my brain does this thing where I disconnect.” Just silence. Just the absence of someone who once made you feel seen.

What I Wish You Knew

If you’re someone with ADHD and you’ve found yourself ghosting, withdrawing, or fading out of friendships like this—I want to say something, without blame or judgment:

We believed you when you said we mattered.
We still do.

We know your heart was in it. We saw it. We felt it. And we also know you might be fighting battles with your brain that we can’t see.

But if you can, tell us. Let us in on what’s going on—even if it’s messy or confusing. Because silence makes us fill in the blanks, and those blanks often turn into shame.

We don’t need constant texts or hours-long catch-ups. We don’t need to be your everything. But if we were important to you once, let us know we weren’t just a passing phase.

If You’ve Been “The Shiny New Friend” Too…

If you’re reading this and you’ve been in my shoes—pulled close, then dropped—know this:

It’s not a reflection of your worth.
It doesn’t mean you’re boring.
And it doesn’t mean you’re not lovable.

ADHD or not, people have limits, patterns, and blind spots. Some folks are still learning how to care sustainably. Some are still discovering how their brain works, and how to explain it to the people they love.

You can grieve the loss without villainizing the person. And you can protect your heart without closing it.

Because the next friendship you build might not burn quite so fast—but it might last longer.

And it will still be real.